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I wrote a book

I don't know how many people on here know about NaNoWriMo. It is the National Novel Writing Month. You have to write 50,000 words in 30 days. For the first time since 2007, I did it. I am in the process of editing it and hope to try to publish someday.

I'm back

So much has changed. I was looking back at my journal and I joined here on 6/4/2004, my 32nd birthday. I am now 43, have been on here off and on - more off for the past few years, and my life is not what I wanted it to be.

1. I'm disabled and have not been able to work since 7/06. I loved my job and defined myself by my abilities and my intelligence. Having been at home for so long I don't know how to define myself and all the goals I grew up making for myself are null and void so the ideas of what I would be at 40'ish are so different than who I am now that I am often ashamed of who I am.

2. My ex-husband, the father of my child, died 1/28/14. This was obviously a big change for my daughter but I have been surprised how much I mourn for him. It still hits me sometimes out of the blue. We co-parented very well and I saw him almost every day as we switched her off from house to house for after school changes. There are times I think for a split second, "I'll call to check with David on that or David will remember that." Then I remember he is gone. I know it is hard on my current husband to see me mourn for another man so that makes things complicated as well.

3. My daughter has a complicated living situation and is now home schooled. We decided that when her father died that we would keep her living situation the same to minimize the changes in her life. So she mainly lives with her grandfather in the same house her father lived in with her and goes back and forth to me. I see her every day and I live about 10 minutes away so I can be over there any time I am needed. I have thought about bringing her back over here but my husband and I both live on disability and her grandfather has a lot of money. She is living in a 5 bedroom house with a pool over there and has her own car where if she came over here we have one bathroom for 3 people and I am currently wearing 2 shirts and my robe and under a blanket because it is cold in the house because of bad insulation. I can't give her what he can. And now that she is home schooled she needs to be in a good environment. But I get so much crap from outside people, even professionals, who say "since David died why didn't she come back with you?" or "why are you making a man in his 70's raise your daughter?" They don't see from the outside that we are really co-parenting as much as David and I did. But it still hurts when they say those things.

Anyway, I hope there are people on here who will still talk to me. How are all of you doing?

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to stustustu

Alyson Hannigan's hair color

I love Alyson Hannigan's hair color (Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Lily from How I Met your Mother, was in the American Pie movies). I am certainly not implying that Alyson's hair color is fake - I know hers is natural. But I love the color. I would like to get her hair color for myself. If you had to name her hair color as it might be in a hair dye, what color would it be called?

Life sucks

Kid won't go to school, husband just got suspended from job, finances are a mess, house is a disaster, legal and possible child welfare problems.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.


Don't wanna

I have stuff to do today - not really that much or that bad of stuff -- but I just don't feel like doing it. I know that if I just got up and did it I could come back and goof off with much less guilt and enjoy the goofing much more. But I just don't wanna!

*12:37 p.m. I did most of the things I have to do and I knew there was a reason I did not want to do it. I almost stepped in some cat shit that I ended up having to clean up. I love my cats but having an elderly cat can sometimes be a pain in the ass.



It is just past noon and it has sucked. I had to fight my kid to school as usual, fight my husband to work, battle with the decision of what we are going to do with my kid's school future, and one of my cats got out as we were walking out to take my husband to work and went and hid under the house. I went ahead and I took him to work hoping she would come out while we were gone. She will poke her head out for snacks but not enough for me to grab her. So she is still under there.


Over the last year, my child has been asking to be homeschooled. Since I am on disability, I would be able to do that logistically but at first I said no way. I have to admit I thought homeschool was mostly for people of different religions or things like that. But then I saw an ad for a homeschool program in our state, actually a national program that has been accepted in our state, that is completely accredited by the state school board, completely free, and you get books, equipment, and everything they would use in a classroom free of charge. In addition, they have real, licensed teachers that they are taught by via internet web camera chat so I am considered a "learning coach" not her main and only teacher which I would not feel qualified to be. There is also a 24/7 student chat room so she can make friends and they do group activities and field trips 1-2 times per month plus students are encouraged to meet friends other times on their own. So the socialization worry that usually comes with homeschool is not really an issue in my eyes.

Anyway, my daughter really wants to do this. I, the one who would be doing it in my home and doing the work with her, is willing to try it for a semester. She is having a lot of trouble in school right now and I feel it would be better to pull her out at the end of this semester rather than waiting until she is expelled. But her father has totally put his foot down. He has given lots of reasons but his main two reasons seems to be that 1. If I cannot control her enough to get her to school in regular school how am I going to make her do her work when she is surrounded by all her toys and T.V. and such, and 2. He feels that giving in and letting her do homeschool now would be rewarding the negative behavior she has been expressing this semester towards school.

So, sorry for the long post but here is the main question: My ex and I usually work really well together when it comes to our daughter. But we are at an impass here. He says absolutely not. I think we should try it for the spring semester then evaluate. What do I do when we can't come to a compromise, we have shared custody, and each of us feels so strongly on our positions?


Writer's Block: A few good men

Which U.S. President has made the most positive impact?
Franklin D. Roosevelt, in my opinion, is the president who has made the most positive impact. He got us through the War and then was the creator of the modern federal social systems. They may not be perfect and they may need to be revamped for modern times, but he was an great man for trying such new things and bringing the people of American into the new times after the War.

Last post

I just can't do it. I don't feel well and I keep falling asleep. This later morning schedule sure did not work for me but I doubt the 4 am would have either. The 7 or 8 am we have had in the past has worked and that is what I will do next year regardless of the rules.

I tried my hardest but if anyone feels like only giving me a percentage of their pledge I understand. I guess I did 44/49 or 89.8% of the blogathon.

Please still sponsor me. It really is a good cause.

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